In a few short weeks I will be moving out of the house I moved into back in May of last year... its been an amazing home.. it truly has been my home.. my security..my place where I found some peace.. and a place that has allowed me to heal...needless to say..I am not ready to leave this sanctuary.. literally.. I am struggling with this choice...sadly I did not make this decision alone.. which I guess makes it that much harder.. I can only hope that it would be a good move.. bringing me into a larger city, might allow me to find a job.. or who knows.. maybe its just a step to be able to save some money so I can move on yet again.. funny thing about me.. here I thought I was all about having "roots".. now in my heart and head.. I am toying with the idea of getting a trailer.. and just buggering off.. so tired of this rat race.. trying to make ends meet.. I figured at this age I would have been a lot further along..but there is always something or someone that gets me off my path..
Questioning.. where do I want to be? what truly makes me happy? is there such a thing.. can one truly be completely and utterly happy.. I use to think that.. I use to think there is always a rainbow.. and I have always danced in the rain.. yes I am using metaphors here.. when the going got bad... I did the best I could do and made the best of it..
I guess I should start looking within.. seems that's where the happiness eludes me.. I talked to a friend today.. and he said.. maybe your healing is over.. and its time to let someone else have your spot.. guess that's what bugs me.. I don't feel healed.. so far from it... tired.. tired of looking around.. trying to figure it out...
as an old saying of mine.. "feet don't fail me now!"
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